Is it a Breakdown or a Breakthrough?

The Heart, The Soul, Uncategorized
I sat on my bed, journal in hand, and sobbed.
 
Sob.
Write.
Slam a door. 
Sob. 
Curse the sky.
Write. 
 
It was like I was fourteen years old again. 
 
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I’m sure to most people, including my husband, I probably looked insane. 
He ran on some errands and when he returned, his wife was a crying, heaping mess.
I’m sure someone would have called TruTV… “Get Snapped on the line! We’ve got a live one!”
 
But, what I see now is that I didn’t snap. 
I felt. 
As in “feelings”. 
You know… those things we talk about but as soon as they come up, we grab a drink, our phones, the remote or decide this is the perfect time to run errands or catch up on work.
 
See, on Sunday, I was living in deep shame. 
But instead of grabbing something, I closed my eyes and jumped into the deep end. 
 
I was going to FEEL my way through this pain. 
Cause,  you see, until about 5 months ago, I didn’t know what it was like to feel your feelings. 
 
I mean, I’m not a dumbass. I knew that feelings were meant to be FELT. 
But, what I’ve learned is I was feeling them with my mind. 
Maybe you do to?
Let’s try something…
 
Think about a time you were hurt emotionally. When someone said or did something that really made you sad. You felt unseen. Unheard. Disrespected. Discarded.
Frankly, you knew in your hard that in that moment, you didn’t mean shit to that person. 
 
Where do you feel that?
Your head?
Tension in your shoulders?
Does your face scrunch up in pain and anger?
 
Though those are valid feelings and emotions, I charge that perhaps you’re not FEELING your feelings.
 
I’ve found that feelings are in your BODY, not your head. 
When you feel that profound sense of disconnection, it’s often in your stomach, your solar plexus… your heart.
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Well, Sunday, I was in my heart. 
 
And on any other given Sunday, my breakdown would have been the end of me that day.
I’d choose to sit in self-pity, self-righteousness, shame, regret and anger. 
And I’d just push pause on my life as much as I could with 2 toddlers and an endless to-do list.
 
But this week, I chose differently because I knew differently. 
I knew differently because I have a coach. 
Someone I can reach out to while I’m learning to perfect the ART of BEING ME. 
 
And I asked her for help. 
“How do I reset? I feel like I’m spiraling?”
 
I wanted to do something differently. 
I knew what laid at the end of shame, pity, regret, and anger… and you know what’s there? More shame, pity, regret and anger. #beentheredonethat
 
So, I CHOSE to shift.
I chose to do it differently this time. 
 
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When I chose to do things differently; when I asked myself new questions…. I found that a Breakthrough is just a Breakdown waiting to be used. 
 
I took what looked messy, sad and a bit fucked up and turned it into a total breakthrough. 
 
I saw myself. 
With unconditionally loving eyes.
I forgave.
I challenged myself to do better.
And I gave myself grace. 
Cause God and all his angels know I’m doing my best.
 
I know I’m changed. 
I can’t prove it. 
I don’t have the receipts. 
But my heart knows. 
And now you know too. 
 
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See your pain. 
Meet it. 
Join it. 
Love it.
 
Then turn your breakdown into a breakthrough by choosing to do it differently this time.
 
 
xoxo Heather Garcia

10 Things I Know to Be True

Quotes, The Heart

Growing, changing and evolving is pretty much my priority every day.
My family actually comes second to this quest.
Which I’m sure would make some people very upset. Maybe even some people in my family.

But, I know when I engage with this every day, face it, feel all the feelings (I honestly didn’t know I was thinking my feelings instead of feeling them for years), I will be a better wife, mom, employee, blogger…. all of it. It’s like putting your oxygen mask on first. I have to fill myself up first before I try to be all of the things I am to other people. I tried not doing that for about 5 years and it just about sucked the life out of me.

So, here are 10 things I know to be true… for me.

  1. When I’m more active, I’m in less physical pain and have less addiction cravings.
  2. I’m in alignment more and more often. It’s ok that it’s taking time.
  3. I’m totally capable of showing up for myself and it’s getting easier every day.
  4. If I do some small things around the house every day, it will make me feel more at peace.
  5. I can clear my personal cache anytime. I’m totally able to just walk away from my history if it doesn’t serve me.
  6. Silence & deep breathing helps me connect with myself immediately.
  7. Throwing away, declining gifts, and donating things that I don’t need or love clears up my energetic space & blesses others.
  8. I’m worthy. Period.
  9. I’m getting better and better and moving things from knowing them in my head to feeling them in my body.
  10. It’s ok that I really only have 9 things.

What are your 10 things? 5? 2? Come on… just 1?

xoxo – H

 

 

Silence is Golden

The Soul

Taking time this Sunday to connect with me.

My practice isn’t perfect, or even consistent yet.

But it’s mine. And I’m doing it.

I’m showing up every day to connect, even if briefly, to that quiet still voice.

That voice has led me to some amazing breakthroughs, to peace, and to some amazing ideas that scare the crap out of me. (Those are the good ones!)

I encourage you to shut it down for even 5 minutes and be still.

Whatever comes up is perfect.

Enjoy meeting yourself!

YOU Aren’t What You Have

The Heart

You are not what you do, have, etc….

I’m in the hotel bar, and I’m next to a man and woman having what seems to be drinks before dinner on a first date.

I’m still waiting on a glass of wine to be poured, and this guy has mentioned how much money he has 3 times.

“I just gotta have money and a good job, and then maybe I can get a pretty girl like you.”

No, dude. There is so much more to it. Having money and a job isn’t all that you are.

What happens if you lose that money and job?
You continue to exist.
Who are you deep down??

Connect to yourself.
Let go of perfectionism.
Speak from your heart.

Wine’s here.